Many of us struggle with self worth. Negative childhood experiences, hurtful things we were told, genes passed down from our parents, all these come together to form the core beliefs that run our lives. How can you switch this programming and believe that you are good enough?
This past week I had so many buried beliefs rise to the surface! I was triggered and the old wounds tore open, pouring out fear, judgement, need for control, resentment, blame, and jealousy.
I sat down and contemplated these emotions and got to the basic core belief of all of them. I believed that I was not good enough. Every one of those reactions came from this core belief. I will walk you through how I made peace with this and found more freedom.
Does it matter where the belief comes from?
Many of us like to understand and get answers to explain why we are the way we are. I know for many years, I believed that something terrible must have happened when I was a child that I had blocked out and couldn’t remember, because there HAD to be a serious reason why I was so screwed up.
Maybe knowing the reasons why we are the way we are can give closure. Perhaps knowing can help us move on from that. But this can also facilitate blame, resentment, victim feelings, and basically get us in a super low vibration, if we aren’t being constructive.
One person didn’t make me who I am today
I had an epiphany this past week about why I may have started believing so negatively about myself. But seriously, the reasons can’t be traced to one person or event. Everything is caused by something, which was caused by something before that, and so on. Its a ripple effect.
Every person that says something rude to you, had someone say something rude to them. The genes that you were born with causing you to be more self conscious, were passed down to you from generations. Societal influences which are impressed on us from countless sources, were built up from thousands of years of people’s beliefs. Blame is futile and a waste of effort.
How this belief manifests in our life
When we have a core belief that we are not good enough, it will show up in various areas. For me, it manifested as someone else being chosen over me, then I got negative feedback about the work I was doing; this was followed by being snubbed and not acknowledged by someone I look up to.
Other ways can be more subtle. I realized that when I’m judgmental of someone else, I’m basically thinking that they are not good enough, which is a defense mechanism (projecting) because what I’m really thinking is that I’m not good enough. Also, when I’m trying to control a situation or what another person does, I’m essentially believing that if they don’t listen to me or if things don’t go my way, that means I’m not important or effective.
Behaviors can manifest due to this belief. You’ll find yourself doing things that reflect that you’re not good enough, such as eating foods that make you feel bad, being lazy and binging Netflix, avoiding things you need to do. Basically, not feeling good enough will infect every aspect of your life.
When it rains it pours
The law of attraction is always working. When a negative belief is activated, be ready for the cascade of vibrational matches! One thing after the other will start piling up, showing you in all its dreadful glory exactly what you are vibrating.
Don’t let this get you down. Your awareness is key to making peace with these beliefs and changing your relationship to them. In order to have awareness, they need to be brought into the light.
Seeing the opportunity in triggered emotions
I used to avoid my negative emotions like they would literally kill me or something. It took me years of therapy and a strong desire for peace, to finally overcome feelings of hopelessness and realize that these emotions are here to actually help me.
Your feelings are telling you that there is a belief that is not aligned with who you truly are. Once you can learn to take a step back from them, know that they do not define who you are, analyze what they are saying, and decide to cultivate new beliefs, you will start to appreciate the process. Every time you move through limiting beliefs, you become more free to experience life the way you want to.
“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”– Mahatma Gandhi
We can get super spiritual here and reflect upon Gandhi’s quote. It helped me to realize that all of these people I wanted to blame and be resentful toward, are actually a part of me. Spiritually, we are all one, and the world is our mirror. (Check out The Kybalion for some trippy spiritual philosophies.)
The work of transformation is an internal job. When I heal myself, I heal others. This concept is so hard to grasp, and would be easy to pick apart if I wanted, but spiritual truths can’t be grasped conceptually. (Check out my post “People Reflect What’s Inside Ourselves” where I mention Dr. Ihaleakala, who transformed an entire psych ward by solely focusing on his inner self.)
You can either choose to entertain doubts, or encourage faith. If you doubt, evidence of your doubts will surely manifest. If you focus on faith, you will transform your life into what you desire. The choice is yours!
How I process triggered emotions and memories
I will lay out exactly what I did to release some unwanted emotions this past week. I worked through triggered memories, and ultimately achieved peace and freedom.
- Write out the current event(s) that are triggering you. It may be more than one, as events pile upon one another. (Hopefully you don’t wait until it gets to that point, like I did!)
- Write out the past memory that is triggered by the current event. You don’t have to write this out if you don’t want to. If you prefer not to relive the past, that is ok. You can just make a mental note that you know where these experiences stemmed from, or you can skip this step. No need to dwell here.
- Write out the feelings that came up. Did you feel hurt, resentful, angry, judgemental, victimized, etc.?
- Write out the beliefs. Your feelings will tell you what you believe. Maybe you believe that bad things always happen to you, or that no one really cares about you. You could find that you believe that if you don’t control your environment that everything will fall apart. Perhaps like me, you will find that everything stems from you believing you’re not good enough. Find your core belief.
- Write a full page describing who you truly are. You can write to your subconscious mind, your higher self, the universe, or just make declarations to yourself. Work through who you used to be, and realize that what you desire is freedom.
- Declare that you claim freedom from these old beliefs. Say farewell to your old self. Release who you used to be, in all your fear and dis-empowerment. Let your subconscious know that you now know that you are spiritual perfection.
- State that you are whole and complete right now. You don’t need anything, because everything is within you. You don’t need to blame anyone, because you see that everyone is spiritually perfect too, beneath all the ego and fear, and you desire to see them as they truly are. Feel the compassion, love, and empathy for where they are at. Desire freedom for them as well as for yourself.
- Describe all the ways in which you are wonderful. Realize that the universe would be incomplete without you. You have a unique perspective and creative force to add to this world. Know that your contribution is invaluable and absolutely essential.
- Thank your higher self for guiding you to the truth. Know that you are on your way to more and more breakthroughs and more and more freedom. See yourself as you truly are, free to experience life how you desire.
- Decide on a plan to transform your belief. (Check out my post “Techniques to Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind“.) You could use revision, affirmations, reframing, visualization, or other techniques. Decide on a methodology (or multiple ones, the more the better!), and get committed. Changing a core belief will take dedication, but the rewards are a life of freedom. You can do this! Pick a time of day, maybe just before bed, during your morning meditation, throughout the day, whenever it is and stick to it. Trust me, I’m doing this right along with you!
Sometimes it just takes time
Breakthrough can be immediate, but many times its a journey. This journey is not a straight line either. Sometimes it feels like you’re going backwards. But you are NOT going backwards. Your subconscious is just processing.
Convincing your subconscious mind to release an old belief is an art. It takes practice. Your subconscious doesn’t take change easily, you must be convincing. Be patient and loving with yourself through this process. Everything that comes up gets you more and more freedom. You just need to stay focused and believe.
Don’t overthink it!
Usually when overthinking starts taking over my brain, I know something is amiss. If you’re overthinking than you are not trusting in the process. Each step of the journey happens exactly how it needs to and you will grasp just what you need to know to get you to that next step.
Release overthinking through practicing meditation, writing out the thoughts and working through them, and getting busy doing things you love. This life is supposed to be fun! Its a gift! No need to be so serious.
How you will experience life when you feel complete
Focus on how you feel when you know you are complete. If you know that you are spiritual perfection, safe inside the mind of God, and connected to everyone and everything in perfect harmony, you can breathe a sigh of relief.
You don’t need to fight anyone or anything. You get to see yourself and everyone as unique aspects of the universal whole. Everyone is a contributor to your learning and success in life, as you are to theirs. Your experiences are fun, exciting, and encourage connection and growth.
You have no limits to your creativity and expression. You experience life as an adventure and everyone is your friend. Love abounds and abundance flows.
See yourself this way, more so every day, and your world will transform accordingly.
Much love!! 🙂