Journey to Self-love

Self-love is spiritual…

I believe that if everyone truly knew and loved themselves, there would be no violence or pain in this world. The journey to self-love is spiritual in that when you are connected to who you really are, you see the connection of yourself to everything and everyone else. You see that there is no separation.

If we realize that we are all connected, why would we want to hurt another person? We would just be hurting ourselves. If I am loving and kind to myself, then I would also be the same to others.

So much pain…

There is soooo much pain caused by self-hatred, feelings of unworthiness, thoughts of not being good enough, shame, and fear. How we view ourselves affects every part of our life, and is reflected in what we attract into our experience.

I know first hand what it’s like to live with no self-worth. I spent my days trying to avoid the negative feelings I had towards myself, searching for ways to cover up the pain. Those ways seemed to help at first, but ultimately made things worse.

Searching for relief…

I searched for relief in all the wrong places. I drank too much alcohol, looked for attention from men to boost my self-esteem (which ultimately lowered my self-esteem), and associated with people who were as unhappy and tortured as I was.

There came a point where all the avoiding and distractions in the world weren’t working anymore. I couldn’t ignore how unhappy I was any longer. I wanted to be happy. I wanted peace. I wanted to just be ok.

Toxic thought patterns…

We all have different reasons why our self-worth is in the toilet. Could be our parents told us hurtful things that shaped our belief system. Maybe we were bullied or had abusive teachers. Perhaps we had a terrible trauma from a person or event. Or maybe nothing serious happened, but we just started thinking a certain way as a child and it formed our way of thinking about the world.

I’ve learned that for me, the specific reasons didn’t matter anymore. What mattered was that I had a toxic way of thinking and believing that was ruling my life. It was the ingrained beliefs that were doing the damage. Those deep-rooted mental processes were causing havoc in my life.

From victim to powerful…

It was difficult to transition out of the victim emotions that I identified with. I still have those feelings come up sometimes now: hopelessness, sadness, despair, anger. For a long time, I blamed outside people and situations for my unhappiness. When I did that, I gave all my power away. No wonder I would feel hopeless.

On the journey to self-love, it takes time to re-train the mind, but if I can do it absolutely anyone can. Any time those feelings would arise, I kindly reminded myself, “I am not a victim. I create my life and I have the power to decide how to experience this moment.”


Even though changing my thoughts didn’t change the feelings right away, I stuck to it. It takes persistence to change the subconscious mind. Especially after many years of believing one way. We get to be kind and consistent, like teaching a child or a puppy.

Sometimes it will seem like we keep hitting a wall. Or we move forward and make amazing strides, and then are triggered and seem to back slide to where we started. We are never starting over though. Everything we’ve learned and put into practice, will be an asset. Every experience that seems like a negative can actually be useful to us later.

Journey to self-love

Helpful phrases…

It’s helpful to have some phrases or mantras that you can go to in different situations. These go-to phrases will be instrumental in helping to re-shape the mind.

Some words I use:

  • What is the opportunity in this?
  • Making money is easy and I love what I do.
  • I have more than enough.
  • I’m at peace with my surroundings and am completely safe.
  • I believe in miracles!
  • I am perfect.
  • I allow the Universe to bring me my desires.
  • Everything is happening for me

The phrases that you choose will be specific to what you are working to transform in your life. Think about what areas of your life you are looking to change. What do you want to believe about yourself and your world?

You are perfect…

I watch a lot of YouTube videos by Joseph Rodrigues and I totally recommend watching him. I can’t remember which video it was that I heard him speaking about perfectionism, but it blew my mind! He spoke of perfectionism as someone trying to be perfect because they believe that they are not perfect. We are spiritually perfect already! There is nothing that we could do or change about ourselves that would alter that fact. We are perfect now.

I used to struggle with perfectionism, and it kept me from doing many things that I wanted to do. I was afraid of looking dumb in front of other people, I was scared that I would fail, I was fearful that what I did wouldn’t be good enough. But I never realized that I actually am perfect already. I just thought I needed to tell myself that no one was perfect and that I was silly for trying to be perfect.

We are perfect! Spiritually, we are perfection. Have confidence in that fact and it doesn’t matter what mistakes we make in this life. What we do or don’t do doesn’t change the facts. That frees us up to have fun and discover this world with a curious and child-like spirit.

Care for you first…

The most important thing is that you take care of you first. How you feel is the most important fact in the world. Don’t ever diminish your feelings or push them aside as not important. Acknowledge your emotions and send yourself love. Ask your inner being what is needed. Be attentive and caring.

You will heal the world if you heal your inner self first. The most loving thing you could do for anyone else is to love yourself. Say “I love you” often in the mirror. Get used to saying it. Do nice things, spend time with just you. Let the healing begin and watch as your life opens up like a sunrise.

You are complete…

All you could ever want or need you have already. The connection with your inner self and the Universe gives you all the answers, all the love, all the inspiration you could ever imagine! You don’t have a hole that needs to be filled. You are complete.

Choose today to cultivate that most important relationship, the one with yourself. Make a vow to be there for you with love always. The way you care for yourself will be reflected back in your life 100-fold.

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